Standing on the podium at the Gravel Nationals a year ago, I could never have imagined how much my relationship with cycling and racing would change.
After the disappointment of falling from first to fourth place after a big crash at kilometer 90 of 140 at nationals, I was determined to return to training after a brief break from cycling to heal.
Two races and training blocks later, I stopped wanting to ride and hated the fact that I didn’t want to do something I once loved so much. I felt like I was losing a part of myself. Out of fear, I forced myself to ride in hopes that love would return. I didn’t know that what I really needed to do was let go.
Even though I stopped training, I decided to continue participating in the races I was registered for, but with a very different mindset. I let go of all my expectations and went in with the sole purpose of standing and having fun. Whether it was the power of taking myself less seriously or simply luck, the races I competed in with the new mindset went much better than the previous ones despite being in much lower physical condition.
My season ended after finishing BRW San Diego, scoring a total of nine long runs. Then, for the first time since I started cycling, I took a break and promised myself I would only start riding again when I really wanted to. After a month and a half without a bike, I finally did it.
Although the cycles of burnout that led to this were by no means ideal, I am grateful for the new enthusiasm I have for driving and for everything I learned about myself over the course. of the process. In this next chapter of my cycling journey, I’m excited to prioritize fun times over fast times, while hoping to uplift people along the way.
To all of you facing burnout, I hope you take a deep breath, be gentle with yourself, and open your mind to the idea of letting go. Although it can be scary and overwhelming, you will be brought back to what you are letting go of when you are ready, if that is meant to be.