When the hell was someone going to tell me it was “Biketober?”
It’s bad enough no one told me Rev-X was back.
I especially like how the reporter lets his personal biases leak out and the fact that he is clearly irritated by all the riders who don’t use helmets or lights and are therefore responsible for their own deaths.
I mean, we all know the reason cycling deaths are on the rise is because of e-bikes:
Or am I?
Anyway, I went to the DOT website to find out more about this whole “Biket Ober” thing, which resembles a Jewish holiday:
You know, there’s nothing more annoying than people reminding you that they’re taxpayers, but I’M A TAXPAYER, DAMN IT! And while most of my fellow citizens – who gratuitously remind you that they are taxpayers – complain about how they spend all our money on illegal immigrants or sex change operations for toddlers or teaching theory criticism of the breed to pets or Anyway, what I would really like to know is how much money we have wasted so far giving 300,000 fucking bicycle helmets. Regardless of how you feel about bicycle helmets, what kind of signal does it send? Does this sound like a city confident in the safety of its cycling infrastructure? I’m sure I’m repeating myself, but it’s like a restaurant handing out vomit bags.
While I’m at it, I’d also like to question the “Delivery Worker Outreach” – nothing against delivery workers at all, nor reaching out to them, but should it really be part of Biket Ober? It seems that this must be a stand-alone activity, since “bicycle” delivery has evolved into something that no longer closely resembles the classic bicycle; in fact, many delivery people don’t even ride bikes at all, but scooters with gasoline engines. So why not give them their own month already? I love the sound of “Deliveryvember”, it rolls off the tongue like a delivery bike on the sidewalk.
Of course, there was a time when bike delivery conjured up images of urban outlaws on racing bikes weaving through traffic:
Now it looks more like this:
And instead of wearing a chain around your waist and thumbing your nose at the corporate world, you work for venture capitalists and fight with your keychain:
But that doesn’t stop people from paying homage to the romantic image of the now-defunct bicycle messenger:
And engaging in a competition that has nothing to do with achieving anything, like performing very long skids:
[Like what does skidding have to do with delivering stuff? Is it what you do when you realize you just overshot the address?]
Or model their hairstyles:
Ironically, the image of the bike courier has nothing to do with “bike” delivery in 2024, but bike courier fashion and office fashion have completely converged to the point where they are now indistinguishable, and if you see someone who looks like a bike courier Today, there’s a 99% chance they’re commuting to work in a former warehouse district turned tech hub:
[Outlaw office bro working on his TPS reports]
Again, ride has work instead of For work no longer feels like riding a bike either:
I guess that’s what getting older feels like.