Relationships can make or break a child’s experience at school. So how can we help them get off to a good start?
In this article, we focus on how pastoral staff can build better relationships.
1. Bonded the relationship from the start
Explain your role and what you are looking to do. Identify the child’s goals and explain how they align with yours. Explain to them that you may not agree on the route to get there, but that you are still looking to help them get there. Explain that there will be differences along the way, but that it is a shared journey with their best interests in mind. Let them know the rules regarding confidentiality. Give them the opportunity not to share certain information by reassuring them: you can say “I prefer not to say it”. Make sure they know how long they will see you and how often. If you want to share information about them, let them know first. Where possible, agree on what information you share, with whom and for what reason. Give them control of what they can control, keep them informed and prepared with predictability of everything else.
2. Think about your social pedagogy.
Using an activity (or even a shared meal prep/snack) can make a conversation flow easier.
3. Focus on the positives
Be sure to celebrate the positives, especially those the young person is focused on (see here for more ideas). Develop your strengths. Track small improvements. Note compliance and desired behavior.
4. Share the pleasure of time spent together
The child will understand that you have a duty of care towards them. However, much of your work goes beyond that. Emphasize the pleasure you take in helping the child and seeing him succeed. Thank them for the time they spend with you. Emphasize the positive impact it has on you, such as “I really enjoyed playing this game with you today” or “I liked when you said you were looking forward to my lesson.” Share activities with them that you enjoy.
5. Let them get priority/protection
Show them you understand the impact an event has on them. Listen without judgment and follow through with actions to support them. Make it clear where you are making adjustments to help them cope. Explain the reasoning behind decisions as they relate to their “big picture” or goals. Prepare them for changes individually when possible. Deal with it, don’t do it!
6. Make them feel “kept in mind”
Highlight where you’ve checked on them outside of your time with them. Share your successes with a small team of teachers via an email thread and congratulate them when you see them. Ask them about their interests and try a few yourself, giving them feedback (even if it’s just a TV or music recommendation).
7. Be strong when needed
There will be times when you make decisions that they don’t agree with. When you know them well, you’ll know when to expect more. You’ll know the language to use to make sure they understand they can do better. You will know the best natural consequence to take to help them right their wrongs. Be strong FOR them. Explain your decisions, linking it to their “big picture” or goals. Remind them that you told them this time would come and that they need to trust you to act in their best interest. Reassure them that your view of them has not changed and that your goal is to help prevent the behavior from happening again. Stay committed to your shared vision and expectations. Remind them of how they overcame this moment in the future, but remind them now of past successes.
Get in touch with your own ideas on how to improve relationships!