Photo credit: PureGym
It’s Juneathon again, so I had to find a class for this week. The only class that fit in with other activities this week was circuits and even that wasn’t ideal because I’m doing yoga on a Wednesday morning (yes, I loved it so much I’ve been going back every week since , unlike Zumba, which I practice). I’ll never do it again), which meant staying at the gym for about sixteen hours (okay, two hours).
But it’s Juneathon and I’m a) hardcore; and, more importantly, b) I’m not lazy so I signed up for the tours class and luckily the thunder and lightning had stopped by the time I left the house (anyone, if anyone you like, tell the cat, because it is in its hiding place). since the storms started early) and I biked to the gym, got on the rowing machine for a twenty minute warm up, then stood outside in the bad spot of the gym wondering why I I was the only person there until someone in my soul saw me from the right side of the gym and came looking for me. Thank you, kind soul.
The instructor gave a quick overview of what we were going to do and I clearly wasn’t paying attention because then it started and I was like, what the hell? but it was quite simple. You start at an exercise station and do things for a minute (it may have only been 30 seconds, I’m not sure), then move on to the next one. Here’s what we did (please excuse my non-technical terms for these things):
1. Kettlebells
It was quite simple. We (there are two of you at each exercise station) just had to do the squatty-swingy-kettlebell-through-the-legs thing. I’m sure you see what I mean.
2. Heavy Round Totes
I have absolutely no idea what they were called, but they looked like heavy, round totes that you had to hold to your chest when you did squats.
Photo credit: PureGym
3. Medicine Balls
I guess they were medicine balls, but they weren’t like the rock solid leather ones at school, they were soft and squishy. Then again, I went to school in the Victorian era, so maybe soft and squidgy is the new rock solid. We had to hold them above our heads and then throw them to the ground. “Throw it hard, not like you’re dropping an egg,” the instructor said, seeing my feeble effort.
4. Hexagonal Flippy Donut Thing
It was – as I described so eloquently above – a sort of huge hexagonal box (I think it had maybe eight sides. It’s not like I counted them ) with a hole in the middle and straps on the side you had. to “turn around”, then the person on the other side turned around to your side (trying not to kill each other in the process, because who the fuck wants “Crushed by Hexagonal Flippy Donut Thing” on his tombstone? Actually…that looks pretty cool.) I say “flip”, but in real life what happened was I kind of pulled him. by the strap inelegantly, and then somehow pushed it back to the other side. I wasn’t the only one – this thing was heavy and my exercise partner was also struggling with the “backside” of things.
5. Plank
You all know what a board is. I’m bad at planks. I didn’t make it the whole thirty seconds, unlike my exercise partner who did and it wasn’t even like she was a young gym bunny, I think she was probably older than Me. Well.
6. Upside down table pushing an object
While I was on the rowing machine in the gym a few times I saw people pushing this thing that looks like an upside down table with a heavy weight on it and they always made it look easy so I assumed that was the case. what on wheels. It’s not on wheels, dammit. I pushed him as far as we needed to push him, then I realized the exercise hadn’t started yet and I was the only one doing anything. It wasn’t awkward at all. But that just meant I was more hardcore than anyone else because I did more, and I’m sure everyone just thought I was more hardcore than them and not that I I was a complete weirdo.
Photo credit: PureGym
7. Aerial bike
I was on the AirBike a few weeks ago after seeing a woman on it at the gym and thought I’d give it a try. I don’t know if I got into it right after someone whose resistance was turned up to 11 got into it or if I was just a weed, but it was brutal. Today wasn’t that brutal, but maybe that’s because everything else had been trying to kill me and so sitting on a bike for thirty seconds was a relief.
8. Unwind the cable elements
This was another machine that I had seen people on before but hadn’t tried because… I don’t know why, actually. Maybe it looked a little boring. It has two handles attached to cables above your head and you pull them down while squatting.
And then we had to start all over again. I was so excited at that point and you would think they would lower the weights but I think those assholes increased it all because by the end I was done. I had a great time though, the class was awesome and I’ll definitely do it again, but even though I had planned to do a little more exercise in the half hour between finishing the circuits and the yoga, all I had the energy to do was post on Facebook that I had just taken a circuits class and what a death.
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